Does that mean becoming a fitness influencer? Does it mean working as a social media manager for a wellness or fitness brand? Editing content for other influencers? Becoming a dietician, or a life coach? Owning a high-rise luxury apartment in New York City? Having the perfect partner? Being healthy? Getting invited to brand events and making a living off brand deals? Making a living as a Substack writer? Going completely off-grid and owning a small-town café in the middle of nowhere? Becoming a vegan food blogger? Being a hot Pilates instructor, spending my hours recording day-in-the-life videos and paying for $8 lattes I sip on during my hot-girl walks? Does it mean graduating from NYU? Or dropping out and finishing my college career through an online dietetics program? Does it mean my life’s purpose is to help other girls avoid the eating-disorder trap that social media sets, now that I’m in recovery and my trajectory feels permanently altered? Does it mean becoming a creative director for a magazine? A model who does content creation on the side? Or maybe one of those models who keeps her life private, but in a cool way?

I want to do everything and nothing at the same time. What I really want is one clear path- one thing I love and feel good about showing up for every day. But the problem is that I can genuinely see myself doing so many different things. Instead of choosing, I’m somehow trying to move toward all of them at once, and it’s burning me out. I’m not in school, I don’t have major external responsibilities, yet I’ve completely lost motivation. Not because I don’t care, but because caring about everything at the same time is exhausting. These are things I like, things I enjoy, but trying to hold all of them at once has made me feel numb instead of excited. I think I’m just tired of liking so many things without loving one thing enough to anchor myself to it. I feel jealous of people who seem to just know- what they want, what they’re meant to do, what lights them up. And I feel ashamed that I don’t fully excel at one thing. I’m not exceptional in one direction; I’m just “good enough” at a lot of them.

A jack-of-all-trades, but a master of none.

So what does this mean for me, and for others who aren’t excellent at any one thing and have no idea what their life’s work should be? Is there a solution? Is there a way to find our “thing”? Or are we doomed to accept the unstable fate of endless almosts, punished for it by a society that places singular ambition on a pedestal?

This week at IIN (Institute of Integrative Nutrition), something finally reframed the way I think about “finding my thing.” They talk about “finding your niche” not as a rigid identity, but as a place where lived experience, values, and strengths intersect. The idea isn’t that you’re meant to be everything to everyone, it’s that you become most useful, most resonant, when you stop trying to help with everything and start leveraging what you’ve actually lived. One of the biggest false beliefs they named felt uncomfortably familiar: that wanting to help people in many ways means you don’t have real expertise in any of them. That multiplicity equals insufficiency. But what they emphasized instead is that everyone has a unique zone of genius, and often it’s shaped by the very things we’ve struggled through firsthand, the things we understand with a depth that can’t be taught or credentialed with a degree or years of schooling. Not because we’ve mastered them perfectly, but because we’ve had to navigate them ourselves.

For now, I’m learning to focus not on fixing bodies or narratives, but on creating spaces where strength, consistency, and self-trust can exist without urgency or spectacle. If I’m meant to begin anywhere, it might be in the spaces where health, discipline, and recovery intersect without asking any one of them to carry the weight of a “life’s purpose,” even though I’m anxious to assign one, just to be able to say that I have it. At this moment, it feels more honest, (not easier, just more honest), to work adjacent to healing through movement, structure, and care, rather than claiming authority over experiences that I’m still learning how to hold myself. I can’t hold space for my own healing in an environment where I’ve once again tried to make that healing productive. I have to trust that one day this path to recovery will lead me somewhere, that it all happened for a reason- but right now, I need to work on accepting the fact that it’s enough to let my healing journey be what it is, without forcing it to justify itself or become something greater than myself.

Maybe it’s less about defining the way we operate as a problem to solve, and more about understanding ourselves- how we can still live lives of purpose in a world that treats clarity and purpose as synonymous. Hell, my vision board every year since I was thirteen has had the word clarity pasted front and center. It’s always included in the three words I want to define my year. And yet, year after year, I seem to become more confused.

For people like us, purpose isn’t discovered through certainty, but through sustained attention over time. The problem was never a lack of ambition, but the demand that ambition remain singular and stable. We are not directionless; we are generative. Our minds don’t move in straight lines- not because we can’t choose, but because we carry both the gift and the curse of seeing too much. Like the fig tree in The Bell Jar, (cheesy, sorry, but unavoidable), each possible life hangs before us, ripe, vivid, and mutually exclusive. We’ve been taught that choosing one means letting the others rot. We’ve been taught that we must have a legible ambition, a single upward story, and we’ve mistaken our resistance to that narrowing for failure.

I have a plural identity, but I’ve been forcing it into a singular structure, and that friction is what’s exhausting me- not the wanting itself. I try to keep every fig at its juiciest, most ready-to-eat state, treating each interest like a future I can’t afford to abandon, as if rest is betrayal. But unlike the fig tree, time doesn’t actually require us to choose everything at once. We don’t lack discipline; we simply feel the weight of what choosing one path would foreclose.

As I write this, I realize I’ve been pinning people who know exactly what they’re meant to do against those who explore multiple paths, as if it’s one versus the other- drive versus laziness, clarity versus confusion, good versus bad. It makes sense that some people feel safest when their identity narrows; I envy those who find relief when one thing clicks, and once it does, the world rewards them quickly with mentors, internships, career opportunities, and a crystallized, step-by-step path forward. Clarity begets more clarity. We, however, experience meaning through expansion. We light up when we see connections, when we try, but there’s never a clear resolve, and therefore is met with hesitation instead of validation from the world. So while one group is rewarded for their early certainty, the others are made to doubt their multiplicity and these narratives become hardened. We live in a moment in time that punishes ambiguity. Bios, applications, algorithms, portfolios, even casual introductions demand a single answer. “What do you do?” isn’t a neutral question, it’s a mechanism for sorting us into who society should reward and who it shouldn’t. Those who can answer quickly are read as serious and those who hesitate are read as unfinished. Over time, that pressure trains some people to cling to one thing early and others to fracture under the expectation that they should have done the same. 

What us jack-of-all-traders need isn’t a singular destiny, but containers- permission to reach for one fig for now, let the others remain, and trust they won’t disappear just because I’m not holding them, or vigorously keeping watch of what stage each of them are at, comparing them all, and picking the ripest one. The tragedy isn’t that we can see so many futures, but that we believed we either had to choose between them all or just one- and if we failed at both, we risk losing every single last hope and dream, every last fig, forever. 

I keep waiting for something to come along and make everything click. And I’m still angry that it hasn’t, that there isn’t a single path laid out for me, a clean answer I can point to and say, this is it. It feels unfair to want so many things in a world that only knows how to reward one. But maybe nothing is coming to fix me, because nothing is broken. Maybe my life won’t click all at once and I just have to face the fact that I don’t know what my life’s work is yet. Am I at peace with that conclusion? Not in the slightest. This journey of understanding myself better includes an acknowledgement of the deeply embedded ideas, for better or for worse, that I still hold on to, like viewing my uncertainty for emptiness, my multiplicity for a flaw that needs to be corrected, my healing as yet another mode in which I can exercise my addiction to productivity. I don’t know what my life’s work is yet, or why I was put on this earth, but I do know that forcing clarity where none exists has only pulled me further from myself, and I suspect, if you’re reading this, it’s probably doing the same to you. So if we really want to be productive, maybe that energy is better spent learning how to come back to ourselves, and trusting that alignment and purpose emerge not from being forced, but from moving in sync with and tending to our inner worlds. The outer world will begin to meet us there, and that’s where this “purpose” will reveal itself- I can only hope.

If you’d like to follow me on this journey, or can relate in any way, I’d really appreciate it if you would subscribe, or follow me on my socials! I’m dedicated to posting content across all platforms that will help other women on their hormone, mental, physical, and spiritual journeys, and share science/medical-backed information as I continue to educate myself further from professionals on these topics. I recently enrolled in the IIN Health Coach Training Program, and I’m so excited to embark on and document this new journey! 

Socials:

Instagram: mkhosla111

TikTok: themkcafe

Youtube: themkcafe 

I started the day at Bathhouse in Flatiron with my best friend Julie. In one of my 2026 journal prompts, I wrote that I wanted to spend more time with her and intentionally nurture our friendship, so the timing felt truly cosmic. I’ve always been curious about Bathhouse, but I usually struggle with the idea of going somewhere just to rest. Productivity loves to disguise itself as virtue. Still, rest is exactly what I named as a priority for the year ahead, so I let myself go.

Sitting in the infrared sauna, I felt like I was sweating out what I no longer needed from 2025- physically shedding it, leaving it behind. Beyond the physical benefits (detoxification, circulation, muscle recovery, stress reduction), there was something equally powerful happening in conversation. Julie and I talked through our aspirations, unpacked why certain goals mattered to us, or why they no longer did, and uncovered new desires we hadn’t even realized were asking for our attention. One of my biggest intentions for this year is cultivating a small but deeply connected circle of like-minded friends- relationships where conversations energize you and leave you changed, even subtly. I already have that with Julie, and recognizing it made me feel incredibly grateful.

Afterward, we stopped by Buddy Buddy, the new nut butter café on Bowery. As someone who genuinely cannot go a day without nut butter, I’ve been anticipating their opening since it was announced. Coffee and nut butter- is there really anything better? Julie and I ordered the O.G., their signature peanut butter latte made with house-made peanut butter milk. Dairy-free, gluten-free, and truly one of the best lattes I have ever consumed. It wasn’t syrupy or overly sweet, just pure, nutty richness in every sip. They had other creative drinks too: almond butter chai, peanut butter with raspberry purée, ube peanut butter, hazelnut cacao, and smoothies designed around focus, gut health, skin health, and muscle recovery. I treated myself to a jar of their pecan pie nut butter, which I have since dolloped on every single one of my yogurt bowls. 

Next came a hair appointment. I love pairing mental refreshes with physical ones- there’s something undeniable about how caring for your appearance impacts how you feel internally. Cutting hair before the new year feels symbolic, similar to when you go through a breakup and are immediately taken over by the urge to drastically change your appearance. Instead of viewing the cut as a break-up with my previous year’s self, like I’ve done every year, I chose to see it as an act of making room for growth. I was ready to let go of the old red tones, the dead ends, and honestly, just needed a change. Seeing my hair freshly cut and blown out felt grounding and affirming- a quiet reset.

Back at home, I put my feet up and worked on my Notion 2026 hub. It’s a slow, meticulous process, but I love it. This year, I’m experimenting with task management before time-blocking- writing everything out, assigning priority levels, and consciously deciding what deserves my attention today versus what can wait or be delegated. It sounds involved, but it actually keeps me out of the anxious spiral where everything feels urgent all at once. It gives my nervous system room to breathe.

Later, Julie and I reunited to make physical vision boards. While we both had digital versions already, there’s something deeply motivating about cutting images out by hand, arranging your dreams physically, gluing them into place. It made everything feel more tangible, more possible. Her partner, who’s a chef, meal-prepped us the “Jennifer Aniston” salad, and we shared mocktails made from the cranberry fizz Poppi and apple cider vinegar (don’t knock it until you try it). Sharing nourishing food, without guilt or explanation, felt intimate and affirming. I’m realizing how rare and how precious it is to have friendships that honor your lifestyle rather than question it.

At 10:30 p.m., we headed to St. Mark’s Yoga for a breathwork and journaling session to close out the year. Walking into the space felt like entering another world: cinnamon essential oils in the air, an altar of tinctures and oils, dim lighting, glowing candles, blankets laid out on mats, rose petals, meditation stones, and a soft, astral playlist humming beneath it all. We journaled about what we wanted to shed, our themes for 2026, and wrote from the perspective of 2027—thanking the universe for everything we had received.

Then came an hour of breathwork. In, in, out. In, in, out.

I felt intense physical sensations: dizziness, heaviness, the sense that I was on the edge of entering another universe perhaps? Like if I leaned just a little farther into it, I’d glimpse the future I’m working toward. But each time, exhaustion pulled me back. I fell asleep several times.

I woke up at 12:09 a.m.

At first, I was upset. I had slept through the moment the new year officially began. But almost instantly, the irony softened into clarity: I entered 2026 unconscious- resting, regulated, and deeply in my body. Exactly as I asked for.

Then another doubt crept in. I hadn’t “worked through” anything. No memories surfaced. No problems demanded attention. My mind was empty. Had I wasted the session?

And then it hit me: my mind has never been blank during meditation or breathwork. Never quiet. Never still. But this time, it was calm.

And maybe that was the work.

If this day taught me anything, it’s that alignment doesn’t have to manifest itself in grand, obvious gestures, or come with a sense of clarity or earth-shattering revelations. Sometimes it shows up in the mundane choices you don’t rush past, like eating well, resting when your body asks, spending time with people who don’t drain you. I want to move through this year prioritizing those simple moments and choose to trust that my mind, body, and spirit already know how to regulate, if I’m only willing to listen.

If you’d like to follow me on this journey, or can relate in any way, I’d really appreciate it if you would subscribe, or follow me on my socials! I’m dedicated to posting content across all platforms that will help other women on their hormone, mental, physical, and spiritual journeys, and share science/medical-backed information as I continue to educate myself further from professionals on these topics. I recently enrolled in the IIN Health Coach Training Program, and I’m so excited to embark on and document this new journey! 

Socials:

Instagram: mkhosla111

TikTok: themkcafe

Youtube: themkcafe 

1. Rushing life. This year, I really want to work on limiting comparison and rushing myself into someone else’s timeline. The reality is that I’m on what one would consider a “non-traditional” path, but it’s just a path at the end of the day. I need to trust that consistency overrules intensity, that certain things need their required time to foster into what they’re supposed to be instead of some half-baked outcome, and that rest and slowing down can actually be what pushes me forward, not a setback. You can’t miss a moment when you live in it instead of ahead of it- anything ahead of the moment simply doesn’t exist, so why even spend a second there? I want to be radically present this year so I can better show up for myself and others. No more over-planning and not doing, no more urgency disguised as motivation.

2. Indecisiveness. This is a quality I intentionally try to cultivate every year, and every year I seem to get less and less decisive, down to asking my mom whether I should shower or make coffee first. I find it so unsexy and a clear display of the lack of confidence/self-assuredness I have in myself and in every aspect of my life. Maybe that’s intense, but I’m sick of not knowing what daily decisions to make, let alone big decisions, and always being disappointed with myself for the one I made. So in 2026 I commit to opting out of Indecisiveness. This comes with developing more self-trust, in my gut and in my past experiences. It’s not cute to outsource my agency to other people or the internet… It’s actually so frustrating that I spend hours deciding what I want to eat and have even succumbed to asking ChatGPT what would be the “perfect” option. But that’s the thing- there is no such thing as making the perfect choice. I commit to picking a plan and sticking to it without turning it into a referendum of my worth if I don’t receive the desired result. I want 2026 to be the year I move with more self-assuredness, not because I suddenly have all the answers, but because I finally trust myself to handle whatever follows the decision. Also, these decisions are never usually as high-stakes as my anxiety makes them out to be!

3. Maintaining relationships with people who don’t align with my new lifestyle & values. Let me be extremely clear: this is not out of ego or my inability to accept others who live different lifestyles/ways of life/ways of thinking/values/habits etc. In fact, I love engaging in conversation with people who are radically different than I am- I believe this is a huge way we can learn, grow, change negative thought patterns, come up with new ideas, develop new friendships, among so many other essential things. But in terms of who is my close circle, at this point in my healing journey, needs to be small and be among people whose habits, priorities, and values pull me towards the life I’m building, not away from it. At this point in my life, I cannot have anything cost me my physical+mental energy, clarity, health, and self-trust, as these areas of my life are currently extremely low. Whether it’s conversations that feel draining instead of nourishing, dynamics that keep me stuck in old patterns, or relationships that undermine the boundaries I’m actively working so hard to create around my health, time, creativity, and nervous system, it all makes it harder to take my own growth seriously. I need to conserve the little energy I have into maintaining strong connections with myself and the relationships I want to keep in my life, therefore I simply don’t have the energy to continue to foster relationships that require shrinking, over-explaining, or reverting back to versions of myself that no longer fit. It’s distance as protection and honoring and accepting the fact that as my lifestyle and values have changed, my relationships are allowed to change with it.

4. Not nourishing myself properly (mind, body, and spirit): My MAIN goal this year is to be radically in tune with my mind, body, and spirit. I want to know, understand, and listen to myself so extremely well- I want to master myself. If my body is sending me a signal, I want to be able to acknowledge that signal, know what it’s telling me I want/need, and listening to it without guilt. I want to know what practices, foods, rituals, routines, etc. make my body feel good and which ones don’t. I’m still very much in the beginning stages of learning how to do this, and I know it’ll take a lot of hard work, but I commit to dedicating intentional time into being fueled, rested, and stimulated to transform my body’s homeostasis from a constant state of urgency to regulated and calm. I tend to mistake adrenaline for energy and busyness for stability, while my nervous system quietly signals that it doesn’t feel safe, supported, or regulated. Not nourishing myself looks like skipping meals, eating without presence, moving my body without listening to it, filling every moment with noise or content, and postponing rest until I’ve “earned” it. And then I wonder why I feel anxious, indecisive, or disconnected from myself. In 2026, I’m opting out of dysregulation as a default. Consistent meals, gentle structure, enough rest, enough WATER, and grounding rituals are non-negotiables. When my nervous system feels supported, everything else becomes clearer: my choices, my boundaries, my capacity to show up fully in my life.

Here are some honorable mention OUTS for 2026:

-Drinking alcohol (I’ve already been sober since May and want to keep this going!)

-Fake sugar/“no sugar” products

-Mental spirals

-Mindless scrolling

-People pleasing

-Oversharing

-Being sad and angry at myself and taking it out on people who have nothing to do with it

-Rigid routine with no room for unplanned circumstances

Okay, now let’s get to some INS:

1. A regulated nervous system. I touched on the importance of this in my OUTS, but I just started learning about the importance of regulating my nervous system and my circadian rhythm, and now I’m OBSESSED with absorbing any information I can about it. At the same time, I’m mindful of how easy it is to turn “self-care” into another performance where the pressure to do everything right undermines the very thing it’s meant to support. Regulation, for me, has to stay practical and compassionate. Lately, the biggest shift has been building consistent bookends to my day. Going to bed and waking up at the same time has allowed my body to find its own rhythm: I’m tired around 9:00, awake around 5:00, without force. Feeling that kind of internal reliability has been grounding in a way I didn’t realize I was missing, so this is something I fully plan to continue. I also want to deepen my relationship with practices that signal safety to my nervous system: journaling, breath work, and quiet moments of presence. When I journal and meditate consistently, (gratitude in the morning, brain-dumps at night), I’m more focused, motivated, and emotionally steady throughout the day. That said, I’m learning to listen to what actually works. Traditional meditation doesn’t always serve me; sometimes it pulls me further into my thoughts instead of out of them. Rather than forcing it, I want to explore breath work as a more embodied way to regulate, one that meets me where I am instead of asking me to transcend it. I’ve started to bring many more practices into consistency, (some of which you can read about here), and I’m still allowing myself to experiment and adjust as I go. This year, however, I want to nail down a steady, dependable system I can return to daily as a grounding anchor- something supportive and stable enough to happily, healthily, and productively get me through the good days and hard ones, and overall give me a better quality of life.

2. Being a generally happy and positive person. This is something I put on my INS list or my vision board every year… and it never happens. For too long, I’ve full believed the idea that since I have extreme anxiety and low-grade depression, I can never be a generally happy or positive person. My whole life, I’ve been way more pessimistic-leaning than optimistic, I’ve just always been that way: Imagining the worst possible scenario, telling myself I’ll fail before I’ve even tried, blaming myself, blaming others, blaming the world. But I’m trying to shift my mindset into not letting those states of anxiety, worry, depression, etc. become the narrators of my life, or believe that they somehow disqualify me from happiness. Yes, I will still have depressive episodes, anxiety attacks, pessimistic thoughts, etc., being happy and positive does not mean that I need to be in a permanently good mood. It means that I need to commit myself to the practice of noticing what’s working instead of immediately scanning for what’s about to go wrong and to interrupt the reflex of self-blame and replace it with curiosity, and to let myself experience joy without bracing for its disappearance.

3. Positive self-talk/Self-development/Self-devotion. I’ve been learning that the way I talk to myself, my relationship with myself, and how I feel about myself  has the power to radically change my life for the best, or for the worst as it impacts every single aspect of one’s life.  Years of anticipating the worst, predicting failure, and criticizing myself have created habit loops in my brain that fire like clockwork under stress because they are reinforced by repetition. If this is the case, then I have the power to reprogram my thoughts so that the thoughts that fire automatically are not negative ones, but radically positive ones. Every time I default to self-blame or catastrophizing, I strengthen that neural pathway. Therefore, every time I interrupt it, I begin laying down a new one. In 2026, I commit to reprogramming my subconscious beliefs, doing the inner work, holding myself responsible for my own reality, and pouring into myself. Not only will this aid in all of my dreams becoming my reality, but positive self-talk will also help to regulate my nervous system, which is also one of my main goals for 2026. Negative self-talk activates the amygdala, your brain’s threat detector, triggering cortisol release and fight / flight / freeze responses, whereas supportive self-talk sends safety cues to the nervous system, which activates the prefrontal cortex (decision-making, perspective, impulse control), engages the parasympathetic nervous system (rest & digest). I think more clearly when my body feels safe, and as one of my goals is being more decisive and self-assured, I need to make sure I’m taking the steps to get there.

4. Privacy around my healing. Healing has taught me that not everything is meant to be processed out loud. This past year, oversharing blurred my ability to hear my own voice. I confused external feedback with clarity and learned the hard way that too many opinions weaken decisiveness. Moving forward, I’m choosing to heal more privately, make choices quietly, and trust myself enough to stand by them without explanation. Privacy isn’t withdrawal, it’s how I protect my growth and strengthen my self-trust.

5. Mindful Movement. This year, I want to strike a real balance with movement. While I still have physique goals (I need a fatty—sorry, not sorry), I’m also actively in recovery and working toward getting my period back. That means being more intentional about how I move, choosing workouts that support my hormones and nervous system, and listening when my body asks for rest. Mindful movement, for me, is learning when to push and when to pause—and trusting that both are part of progress.

6. Doomscrolling Substack and consuming long-form content. I am SUCH a YouTube/Substack girl. It’s how I relax and wind down, how I reward myself, and something I consider a legitimately hobby. It genuinely brings me so much joy. I’ve noticed how differently my nervous system responds to long-form content versus short-form media. Longer videos and essays invite me to slow down, stay with a thought, and actually integrate what I’m consuming instead of skimming for stimulation. This year, I want to be more intentional about what I let shape my thinking. Choosing YouTube videos and Substack essays over endless scrolling helps me engage more deeply, think more critically, and feel less fragmented throughout the day. It’s not about cutting anything out entirely, but prioritizing content that supports focus, curiosity, and calm. I’ve learned so much through these two platforms about nervous system regulation, lessons that have changed my life, and useful information that I apply daily. Consuming long-form content trains my attention instead of fragmenting it. It supports nervous system regulation by slowing my body out of urgency and overstimulation, and it allows ideas to actually stick rather than being replaced immediately by the next thing. Choosing depth over dopamine helps me feel more focused, grounded, and intentional with what shapes my thinking.

7. Actually texting your friends back/being a good, intentional communicator. I’ve noticed how often I avoid responding to people, not because I don’t care, but because I’m overwhelmed, overthinking my reply, or waiting until I can respond “perfectly.” What starts as nervous system overload turns into unintentional distance, and then into guilt, which makes responding feel even harder. This year, I want to opt out of the all-or-nothing mindset around communication. I don’t need the perfect message or the perfect moment, consistency and presence matter more. Being a good communicator means responding when I can, being honest when I need time, and trusting that the people who care about me value connection over a perfect response. Staying connected doesn’t have to be another source of pressure. I want my communication to feel like an extension of care, not a task to avoid.

8. Spending more on investing in myself (health, mind, body, creatively). Investing in myself this year looks like spending intentionally on the things that support my health, nervous system, confidence, and creativity. It means prioritizing consistent care—therapy, nourishing food, good quality gyms, and recovery practices like sauna sessions that help my body feel regulated—alongside daily rituals like skincare, eye masks, journaling, and wellness tools I’ll invest in over time, like eventually purchasing a red light mask. It also means putting myself together every day, getting dressed with intention, and allowing effort in my appearance to be an act of self-respect rather than vanity. Creatively, it looks like investing in the tools and environments that help me think and make more clearly: apps and subscriptions that support my work, spending time working in coffee shops, taking classes, and eventually upgrading to higher-quality technology for content creation. This is me choosing to treat my health, mind, and creativity as worth investing in, because they’re the foundation of the life I’m actively building and I’m committing to living my life as if I already have everything I want… so if I’m financially stable and a sexy, confident, grown ass woman with my own luxury, high-rise, NYC apartment, why wouldn’t I buy that red light mask?

9. Read more books/(75 Booked My Version): This has been a trend I’ve seen creators do on TikTok and I really, really, REALLY want to read more books in 2026, so I’m started 75 booked. There are a list of rules, but I’m re-adjusting them because at the end of the day, the goal is to simply read more and I need to make that goal actually attainable. I barely read physical books, like I genuinely think I read half of one book this year… I know. Instead of chasing a number, I want to build a consistent relationship with reading. My version of “75 Booked” is simple and supportive: two 30-minute reading sessions a day. One session has to be with a physical book, paired with finishing a full glass of water, and both sessions are tracked, along with notes and thoughts in my commonplace journal, (another one of the goals I have this year is to cultivate a journaling ecosystem), so I can actively interact with what I’m reading instead of passively skimming lines just to check off a box. I want to be able to reflect on, think critically about, and apply what I’ve read to my life. At least one of the sessions can’t happen in my bed, so reading stays intentional instead of rest. This structure helps reading become a grounding ritual instead of a productivity challenge. It supports focus, hydration, and deeper integration of what I’m learning, while keeping the goal flexible enough to actually stick. Reading this way feels less about proving discipline and more about building a life that makes space for attention, curiosity, and sustained thought.

Here are some honorable mention INS for 2026:

-Rest without guilt.

-Irish goodbyes and leaving early without apologizing!

-Emotional regulation.

-Forming my own opinions.

-Trusting myself/being radically in-tune with my body, mind, and spirit.

-Daily Affirmations.

-Actually drinking enough water.

-Prioritizing/cultivating a really small but close circle of people.

And finally, a soft, non-overwhelming New Year prep guide:

You don’t need to rebrand your entire life. You don’t need a 40-step morning routine. You don’t need a “perfect” plan to deserve a better year. This is just a gentle way to create clarity so you can enter January feeling anchored.

THE ONLY RULE:

If this starts to feel overwhelming, you’re doing too much. Pick one step and stop there. This kind of “soft” prep only works because it should feel sustainable for you. And this can be subject to change! All of this can! Remember that as you experience more life, your perspectives on what’s important and what you value are inevitably going to change. And this is allowed. It’s life!

Step 1: Loosely Reflect On 2025

I know this can feel overwhelming and I procrastinated this for a while. I didn’t want to reflect or analyze a really traumatizing year, but I knew it was important in terms of figuring out what I wanted to take with me and leave behind in 2026, so I made the reflection super quick and approachable. I actually picked a few questions I liked from Eva Meloche’s Substack article Greeting the New Year, Pen to Paper: My Journaling Rituals. I genuinely did love the questions she had, but it also took so much pressure off of me because if I had to reflect on the year, at least I didn’t have to come up with my own questions about it. And I didn’t answer all of the questions she posed, just the ones that I felt resonated with me. For example:

How do you want to remember 2026 twenty years from now?

Who do you want to spend more time with?

Which personal quality do you want to develop?

Which habits do you want to cultivate?

What do you want to leave behind in 2025?

What do you want to put more energy into?

What do you want the overarching theme for 2026 to be?

Step 2: Pick One Theme (not 10 goals)

Before you list a single resolution, choose one phrase that you want 2026 to encapsulate. This will later help you consolidate what you want this year to look like and narrow down what’s actually important for you to accomplish.

Examples:

• Radical alignment

• Softer structure

• Steady nervous system

• Intentional living

If something doesn’t support the theme, it’s a no (or a not right now).

Step 3: Write Your “Core Identity” In 3–5 Sentences

This isn’t a manifestation, It’s a grounding statement.

Think about:

• Who am I becoming?

• What do I care about?

• What do I want my life to revolve around?

Mine centered on healing, nervous system regulation, creative storytelling, and building a soft + strong life in NYC.

Something that helped me describe my core identity (because for some reason thinking about who you actually are is so hard?? Like wait who actually am I?) I made a list of things I actually do on a daily basis (work, school, creative stuff, life stuff). Keep it factual, simple, no adjectives. Just literally what you do.

Examples:

• writing

• gym/movement

• editing

• studying

• cooking

• content creation

• social media work

This step builds self-trust because it shows you your life already has structure. Like you DO do things.

Step 4: Choose 6–10 Short Term Goals

If you have the energy and the time, you can make a list of your long term goals and steps you can take this year to slowly start reaching them, but this is not necessary (none of this is), and can often make your short term goals feel overwhelming because you know it you have a list of 20 goals and have no idea where to start.

It helped me to think of my goals in categories. I used Jenna Million’s Substack post I accidentally made a 2025 Vision Board That Worked and I’m Repeating This Process For 2026 as the basis for my categories:

• Location and Home

• Career and Passion Projects

• Money and Finances

• Health and Wellbeing

• Social Life and Love

• Lifestyle and Experiences

BTW, I highly highly recommend checking out her entire Substack post, it’s quite literally a full, approachable, seemingly full-proof EXACT guide as to how you can have a successful 2025 (whatever that means to you). She includes so many resources and it is so, so detailed. And it’s FREE, and it felt like an article I should’ve definitely paid for!

Step 5: Write Your “How I’m Getting There” Paragraph- Figuring Out Your WHY

This is the bridge between intention and reality. Achieving your goals and actually living the life you envision for yourself doesn’t just fall into your lap, you have to do the work to get there. Although it can feel overwhelming to think about the steps towards how you’ll tangibly get there, it makes it so much easier for your future self to know exactly what you need to be doing and always have this guide to look back on when you inevitably need to be reminded of what you’re working towards and why… a guaranteed reminder of your ultimate purpose.

Underneath each of my goals I wrote one to two lines that sounded something like this:

• “I’m getting there by doing ___ consistently.”

• “I’m building skills through ___.”

I used to think I needed extremely detailed steps, but I find that a loose outline like this keeps it attainable and approachable. Not only did this help me get clear on my WHY, but it also helped me weed out goals that I realized weren’t that important to me or that I was trying to achieve for the wrong reasons. This also helps you stop treating your life like separate fragments and start seeing the through-line.

Step 6: Create One “Future Career” Sentence (Keep It Simple!)

Feel free to skip this if career isn’t a major part of your 2026, but it is for me and this helped to give my brain direction.

Example template:

“A hybrid of ___, ___, and ___, rooted in ___.”

Mine was a hybrid of wellness media creator, fitness content producer, and long-form storyteller with my own brand.

And this can be subject to change! All of this can! Remember that as you experience more life, your perspectives on what’s important and what you value are inevitably going to change. And this is allowed. It’s life!

Step 7: Write A Few Daily Anchors For Morning + Night

Not a 20-step routine. Just bookends that will keep you grounded and regulate that nervous system on a daily basis! It’s important to have auiet rituals to return to when your mind start to spiral. If nothing else, you completed these tasks you told yourself were important to you everyday, and that’s a huge accomplishment. And usually, whenever I find myself extremely stressed or down, if I consistently get myself to complete these tiny tasks everyday I genuinely feel so much more calm, clear-headed, and steady throughout the day.

Morning Anchor Ideas

• No scrolling first 30 minutes of waking

• A glass of water before caffeine

• Journaling, Gratitude

• Breathwork/Meditation

Night anchor ideas

• Shower

• Tea

• Skincare

• Brain dump

• Set out clothes/water for the morning

These are regulation cues, not productivity tasks!

Step 8: Choose 1–3 “Micro-Habits” You Can Do On Your Worst Day

Inevitably, especially if you struggle with mental health issues, even following through on your basic daily tasks can feel impossible. So for me, writing down some micro-habits I can do on even my worst days is important. Whether I do them or not is neither here nor there, but at least I have these written down somewhere if I feel like I can at least get myself to do these if nothing else. This is your floor. Your bare minimum that still counts.

Pick things that take under 5 minutes:

• Drink a sip of water

• Step outside

• One text back

• 10 deep breaths

• 5-minute tidy

Step 9: Make yYour “Ins & Outs” List

Being able to clearly name what drains you vs. what supports you is so important in deciding what you want to take and leave behind in 2026. I actually surprised myself when I took the time to sit down and think about what didn’t serve me anymore.

Step 10: Do A Few Gentle “External Resets”

Pick 1–3:

• Make a vision board lockscreen

• Clean your camera roll

• Update playlists

• Feeling physically sexy is important too! Get your nails done, get a haircut, buy some new skincare or makeup, invest in that really expensive item you’ve been wanting for yourself!

• Tidy one corner of your room

• Unsubscribe from accounts that don’t serve you

Step 11: 2026 Bucket List- Things You Want To Do, Not Accomplish

This is something I also got from Eva’s Substack article. I think it’s essential to recognize that accomplishing goals shouldn’t be the sole focus of your year…  checking off things you’ve been wanting to do or experience is just as important and special as your goals. Life is all about new experiences and being present in them! It’s how we learn, grow, develop as human beings, experience social connection, among so many other crucial factors. For example, I wrote that I wanted to go to the Nitro Bar in Rhode Island (A really famous and expanding coffee shop with raved about specialty drinks!) It’s somewhere I’ve wanted to visit for so long as a coffee lover, and I really want to live out my coastal-girl spring/summer!

Step 12: A Letter To Myself A Year From Now

This step isn’t about predicting the future or holding myself to impossible standards. It’s about anchoring myself in what actually matters so when I look back, I remember how I wanted this year to feel, not just what I hoped to accomplish.

Set a timer for 10–20 minutes. Light a candle, make a tea, or sit somewhere comfortable. This isn’t something to rush, something you have to spend hours on, or something where you have to include EVERYTHING you want your future self to know, become, experience, etc.

Write the letter as if it’s already one year in the future. Let it be honest, compassionate, and loose.

You can use these prompts to guide you:

• How do you hope your body feels a year from now?

• What kind of relationship do you hope you’ve built with rest, movement, and nourishment?

• How do you hope you treated yourself when things felt hard or unclear?

• What do you hope you stopped doing this year?

• What did you protect—your time, your energy, your creativity, your peace?

• Who did you stay close to? Who did you gently let go of?

• What matters most that you hope you didn’t lose sight of?

You don’t need to write about everything. Follow whatever feels most alive. This letter isn’t a contract but a reminder of what you wanted to honor.

Short Example Excerpt

Dear me, I hope you let this year unfold without rushing it. I hope you listened when your body asked for rest and trusted yourself enough to respond without guilt. I hope you stayed committed to the quiet things—the routines, the writing, the moments of stillness—that made you feel safe and grounded. Most of all, I hope you were gentle with yourself when nothing made sense, and proud of yourself for showing up anyway.

Step 13: End with a tiny January page (so you can begin softly)

Often we do all of these steps to prepare for 2026 and then January first comes and it’s like.. wait how do I implement any of this? Where do I start? So set yourself up for success by creating a January page before it even comes!

Instead of “New year, new me,” try prompts like:

• What brought me joy this month?

• What inspired me this month?

• One quality I appreciate in myself today.

• A compliment I received today/this month.

This sets the tone of gentleness from day one!

Some Extra and Extremely Optional Things I Did For Prep:

-Wrote a script from a day in my life in 2026 that I can read from everyday as a form of manifestation and tricking my brain into thinking that I actually live that life because it doesn’t know the difference!

-Wrote morning affirmations and night time affirmations but from the perspective of the woman I want to become and the lifestyle I want to inhabit.

A Final Note:

If you take nothing else from this, let it be this: you don’t need to do all of this. You don’t need a perfectly mapped-out year, a rigid routine, or a complete version of yourself waiting on the other side of January 1st. This prep wasn’t about control—it was about clarity. About creating just enough structure so fear doesn’t run the show, and just enough softness so life still has room to happen. Everything here is allowed to evolve. Your goals, your routines, your identity, your needs—they should change as you experience more life. The only real commitment I’m making is to not abandon myself when things feel messy, unclear, or slow. To return to what regulates me. To trust that showing up gently and consistently is more powerful than any dramatic reset.

So if you’re entering this year tired, anxious, unsure, or still healing—you’re not late. You’re right on time. Pick one thing that feels supportive and start there. The rest will meet you when you’re ready.

I’ll be here, moving slowly too.

I hope this was helpful and not overwhelming, if you have any tips in softly prepping for the New Year lmk!

If you’d like to follow me on this journey, or can relate in any way, I’d really appreciate it if you would subscribe, or follow me on my socials! I’m dedicated to posting content across all platforms that will help other women on their hormone, mental, physical, and spiritual journeys, and share science/medical-backed information as I continue to educate myself further from professionals on these topics. I recently enrolled in the IIN Health Coach Training Program, and I’m so excited to embark on and document this new journey! 

Socials:

Instagram: mkhosla111

TikTok: themkcafe

Youtube: themkcafe 

I used to make cookies with my mom for Santa to snack on when he shimmied his way through our chimney. 

I used to lick the raw batter off of the whisk, (in fact, I think this was my main source of motivation for making the cookies). 

My brother and I used to negotiate with our parents over how early we could wake them up to open presents, pushing for an extra hour every year. 

We would all wake up on some sort of internal clock on Christmas morning, waking up separately but gathered around the tree at the same time- my brother and I in our pjs, my parents gripping their warm cups of Café Bustelo like their life depended on it. 

I used to get so mad when my brother got to open a present first- We had a strict system: taking turns, starting with the smallest sized gifts, saving the biggest for last. 

I used to buy my mom a cheap necklace from my school’s winter book fair. I would wrap it myself, crooked and over-taped, and I was always so excited to give it to her.

It was either McDonalds or Dunkin’ Donuts for breakfast. If it was McDonalds, I’d get the pancake platter- three giant pancakes, drowned in maple syrup with a side of sausage, scrambled eggs, two hashbrowns soaked in their hot sauce, and chocolate milk to drink. If we got Dunkin’, I went all in: I would get a powdered, chocolate cream-filled donut, a Boston Cream, a jelly-filled, a box of mixed Munchkins, hashbrowns, and a chocolate Nesquik. When I got older, it was always a decaf medium iced coffee light and sweet- I wanted that shit WHITE). And I would definitely eat some of the leftover cookies that Santa didn’t finish. 

I usded to drink Swiss Miss hot chocolate with extra mini marshmallows. With milk, always with milk. A shit ton of milk. 

I used to sit right after I’d eat all of this and watch a Christmas movie, probably the Polar Express. It made anything feel possible, it made the world feel magical. A moment in time where belief and hope came easily, before I realized that time moved, before traditions thinned out, before the magic disappeared. Or, maybe before it learned how to hide. Please just be hiding, please just be playing a silly little game of hide-and-seek. And when I get to thirty-Mississippi, please just be behind the couch, or in a closet, let me see your shadow through the shower curtain. Let me find you. Let me hear the bell ring.

I used to I used to I used to. I swear I used to. Right? Or was that someone else? It could’ve been. It really could’ve been. She seems so far away. I keep trying to reach that version of me who so easily had hope, who so easily got lost in the magic of the world, but every time I reach out, my hands come back empty. Now I can’t even fathom eating a regular, non-high protein, non low-cal, non-macro friendly, non seed oil-free, cookie. In fact, my mom bought these “healthier” Sweet Loren’s vegan and gluten free cookies because she wants to make the house smell like them on Christmas, and she’s so excited about it, but I couldn’t be more terrified to be tempted enough to eat one. I can’t even believe I ever licked something off of a whisk- how would I be about to track that extra lick in MyFitnessPal? And SITTING after eating? I don’t remember the last time I didn’t immediately get steps in on my walking pad directly after a meal. Yes, as a digestion walk, but also to avoid any feeling of the food sitting in my stomach. I hate feeling like there’s food in there.

 I used to beg my mom to decorate for Christmas (we aren’t Christian so we never tend to get SUPER festive). A few mornings ago, I woke up, and she had wrapped this beautiful Christmas garland around the railing on our staircase, hung up red and green Christmas lights on our window, even put up a stocking above the fireplace and a wreath on the front door- and I couldn’t have been less excited. In fact, we only got a tree today, Christmas Eve, because I really didn’t feel like getting one. I’m dreading decorating it tonight. I don’t want to see the ornaments, tiny reminders of happier times that feel impossible to get back to. And now, my parents negotiate with ME on timing, because it all depends on when I get back from the gym, when I get hungry, how long it’ll take me to make my meal and whether I want to shower before or after. And I didn’t get my parents any gifts this year, the year they probably deserve it most. Not so much as a card, or a quick painting, or a handwritten letter. Nothing. 

I don’t miss the cookies or the decorations as much as I miss the version of myself who didn’t have to think this hard just to exist. I don’t know when I stopped believing, only that now even love feels like something I have to measure before I can touch.

It’s been a while since I’ve written or journaled anything. I’m in a phase of my life where I just don’t care enough to do or think about anything, I just scroll and scroll and scroll (or, I should say, avoid and avoid and avoid). I recently upped the dosage of my Zoloft medication, and it was just all downhill from there. Constant nausea, mood swings, extreme anxiety, night sweats, etc. I don’t feel like taking a shower or cooking or being creative or talking or standing for too long or leaving my room, let alone come up with a Substack post where I deeply analyze all of my emotions and experiences for everyone to read when I’m trying my best to remain unaware of them myself. So, that’s where I’m at, just in time for the holidays, where I’m supposed to be festive and happy. It’s the very season of gratitude, reinvention, rebirth. And I should be scrambling to rebrand my entire life before 2026. I have no solutions or helpful tips for you- don’t mistake this as an encouraging account of how I went through some depressed period and dug myself out- because I didn’t and I don’t care to. What if I said I don’t want to get better? Why should I have to work on myself when there are people who suffer from “worse” levels of disordered eating, or when there are people who literally suffer from addiction, and still manage to move through the world without the label of recovery taped to their forehead and simultaneously crushing them like a boulder everywhere they go? I don’t know how that sounds and honestly, I don’t care. This is one of the quieter parts of recovery that people don’t want to admit out loud- not that their situation is hopeless, but that it feels hopeless. It’s terrifying to acknowledge to yourself and to others that you feel like there’s no point in getting better. Even more unsettling is the guilt- being frustrated with yourself that you don’t want to heal when you have an entire support system who love you enough to devote their time and resources into making sure you do just that. Despite this love, I just don’t have enough energy to care. Improvement just feels like another obligation I fail to meet, and I can only take so many beat downs before I have no choice but to lay defeated on the ground, probably in a fetal position, letting the bruises and cuts turn to scars- not as a sign that I’ve healed, but a symbol of my slow realization that merely surviving is not the same as recovering- and right now I’m just surviving.  

Not every part of recovery is going to feel like there’s some sort of light at the end of the tunnel. So, if you’re going through your own recovery journey, and you find yourself curled inward and unmoving, looking up just for a second, only to see that everything is still grey, bland, and unexciting, you’re not alone. 

This is not a call to action. There is no profound lesson to be learned. And if this is where I’m at right now, then that’s what will get written. It’s a record of where I’m standing. It just is what it is. 

And with that…Merry Christmas!

If you’d like to follow me on this journey, or can relate in any way, I’d really appreciate it if you would subscribe, or follow me on my socials! I’m dedicated to posting content across all platforms that will help other women on their hormone, mental, physical, and spiritual journeys, and share science/medical-backed information as I continue to educate myself further from professionals on these topics. I recently enrolled in the IIN Health Coach Training Program, and I’m so excited to embark on and document this new journey! 

Socials:

Instagram: mkhosla111

TikTok: themkcafe

Youtube: themkcafe 

Portfolio

I treat my life like a checklist. I treat wellness like a checklist, which I’m starting to realize is not wellness at all.

One day, during step eight (record a car-rot chat), after skipping step three (morning pages) because I felt like I was “running out of time,” I suddenly thought: Why am I living my life like someone is chasing me? I’m the one who makes my schedule. I’m literally taking a gap year. I’M NOT IN SCHOOL. Shouldn’t I be taking advantage of the fact that I get to do literally anything I want with my day while my friends are barely surviving finals season? When will I ever have this much time again? Why can’t I slow down, or why do I feel so guilty when I do?

Eventually, I realized it’s not a monster chasing me, it’s not time, it’s not a murderer, it’s not my biggest fears, it’s not my middle school bully, it’s not some big, scary animal- it’s worse than any of that. It’s me. I’m chasing myself. 

I’ve been sitting with this for days, wondering if this frantic pace is just who I am and what “works” for me, or if I actually need to slow down. And honestly? The thought of slowing down feels worse than the stress itself. I give myself so much shit that it almost feels easier to stay in that rushed, frantic state, maybe because it proves to me that I’m a hard worker, that I’m not lazy, especially now that I don’t have school or grades to measure myself against.

Then I went deeper: Am I actually more productive when I’m rushing? Or is that just a story I tell myself?

Naturally, in my true “maximize productivity” fashion, I put it to the test.

Yes, I got to the gym later, ate breakfast later, and started work later. But I was hyper-focused. I didn’t check my phone once. I didn’t even feel the impulse to. I didn’t need my normal energy drink or even a coffee. I felt energized anyway- creative, steady, clear.

At the end of the day, I compared my rushed routine to this slow one. On my rushed days, I was glued to my phone, spent way more time at the gym than necessary, and took longer to complete work tasks because I constantly felt distracted, fidgety, and like I was forcing motivation. The wild conclusion: I was actually more productive, and saved more time, when I started my day slowly, when I regulated my nervous system before demanding anything from myself.

Oddly enough—yet not odd at all, because I genuinely believe nothing is a coincidence—the most recent Institute for Integrative Nutrition module that dropped included an entire section on the science of sleep and how to up-level your health with rest (even during the day). I learned that sleep is essential for removing neurotoxin buildup in the brain, which, if left unremoved, can lead to long-term issues like Alzheimer’s. I also learned about the benefits of slowing down while you’re awake and how it affects every part of your being.

Physically, it supports better hormones, increased energy, and cellular repair. Mentally, you gain more focus, creativity, and productivity. Emotionally, you become calmer, more patient, and in a better mood. Spiritually, you’re able to establish deeper relationships and connections with yourself and others.

Yes, some of this feels self-explanatory or obvious, but we still forget—or sometimes choose to ignore (myself included)—how necessary sleep is for every facet of our being: our quality of life, how we show up, or don’t show up, in this world.

So, what did I decide to do with this abundance of information?

Absolutely nothing. Because the idea of slowing down for more than a day still leaves me with a giant pit in my stomach. I tie so much of my worth to my work ethic, and those two things have always been intertwined for me. I don’t remember a world where one has ever existed without the other.

I’ve realized I can’t sit quietly with myself—because being alone with my own mind makes me uncomfortable. It reminds me of when you’re a kid and your intuition is still razor-sharp, before the world teaches you to ignore it. You know how you’d refuse to hug certain relatives or family friends, not because anyone told you to, but because something in you sensed they were… off? And then years later, when all the family secrets spill out, it turns out they really were doing messed-up things or were just deeply strange people.

My mom always said I had a sixth sense for those types. I’d avoid them completely—no hugs, no eye contact, nothing.

That’s how I treat myself now. Like I’m the odd uncle in the corner, the one I refuse to go near. I give myself that same sick, nervous, bad-butterfly feeling in my stomach. I don’t want to sit with my thoughts, or examine them, or slow down long enough to hear myself think. It’s easier to keep moving than to face whatever it is in me that I’m instinctively avoiding.

Yes, I’ve added new habits to regulate my nervous system like going to bed and waking up at the same time, journaling in the morning, drinking tea at night, keeping a clean space, being of service, self-care rituals- but I’ve turned all of these into checkboxes, too. Yet again, I’ve made the things meant to help me heal into another test, another challenge I can fail.

When will I let things help me simply because they help me? When will I stop turning everything into a measure of my worth? When will I stop chasing myself?

If you’d like to follow me on this journey, or can relate in any way, I’d really appreciate it if you would subscribe, or follow me on my socials! I’m dedicated to posting content across all platforms that will help other women on their hormone, mental, physical, and spiritual journeys, and share science/medical-backed information as I continue to educate myself further from professionals on these topics. I recently enrolled in the IIN Health Coach Training Program, and I’m so excited to embark on and document this new journey! 

Socials:

Instagram: mkhosla111

TikTok: themkcafe

Youtube: themkcafe 

Along with health, fitness, wellness, and writing about my recovery journey, I’m extremely passionate about cooking, trying new recipes, recipe testing, and serving others. Cooking for people is my ULTIMATE love language. I’m saving and watching recipe videos all day everyday, and it is SO FUN for me to take regular recipes and see how I can creatively veganize them as well as make them gluten free and high protein! All of these recipes (excluding the overnight marination of the tofu and letting the tofu whipped feta sit overnight) take literally 20-30 mins to make, are super easy, are macro-friendly&prioritize protein! <3 These were all hits at Thanksgiving, and most of my family are not vegan or gluten free! I also include links to some of the more specific products, as well as links to TikToks that inspired me/visuals to easily follow along with while you’re cooking, and macro calculations where applicable, so hopefully that’s helpful! I also have a YouTube video coming out Sunday (Link To Channel), of some scenes from my thanksgiving so be on the lookout! Lastly, this is my first ever recipe post so please bare with me if I’m missing any specifics or if anything’s confusing!

Smokey Barbecue Maple Glazed Tofu

Ingredients:

-1 Container of Whole Foods Tofu Extra Firm

-1/4 Cup of Lakanto Monkfruit Maple Syrup

-Two Tablespoons of Primal Kitchen Golden Unsweetened Barbecue Sauce

-One Tablespoon of Tamari Soy Sauce

-Garlic, Nutrional Yeast, Paprika, Chili Powder, Rosemary, Thyme, Salt, and Pepper to Taste

Recipe

1. Mix all of the ingredients for the sauce in a bowl (maple syrup, barbecue sauce, soy sauce, spices)

2. Take the whole block of tofu and cut into rectangles or squares. Cut cross hatches in the tofu cutlets so it can soak up more of the flavor of the marinade

3. Put the tofu in a container and pour the sauce over the tofu

4. Marinate overnight for a deeper, saucier flavor

5. 20 minutes before serving time, preheat your air fryer at 400 and put the tofu in for 20 minutes, flipping halfway through.

6. Make more of the same sauce, and when the tofu is just about to be served, drizzle it over the tofu.

7. Serve!

Macros:

-4 servings

-114 cals per serving

-Protein: 11.6g

-Carbs: 8.3g

-Fat: 4.5g

TikTok vid that gave me inspo/easy to follow along:

-https://www.tiktok.com/@essycooks/video/7312556794713345286?_r=1&_t=ZT

Maple Glazed Carrots With Tofu “Whipped Feta”

Ingredients:

-6 large carrots

-1/4 cup of Lakanto Monkfruit Maple Syrup

-1/4 cup of Kitehill Unsweetened Plain Greek Yogurt

-Whole Lemon

-Paprika, Chili Powder, Garlic, Salt, Pepper, Nutrional Yeast, Rosemary, and Thyme to taste

-Optional: two tablespoons of potato starch (will make them more crispy)

-Drizzle of Agave or Honey

-Honey Roasted Pistachios or Regular Pistachios To Taste

-Pomegranate Seeds To Taste

Recipe:

-Make your whipped feta the night before so it can thicken, it will also save time the next day!

-Blend together your tofu, feta, greek yogurt, whole lemon, and spices until desired consistency. Should be thick and creamy as it will be a shmear for the carrots to lay on top of. Add water or soy milk as needed if it’s too hard to blend.

-Preheat air fryer to 400 degrees

-Cut your carrots into a fries-like shape+size

-Toss carrot fries in avocado oil, potato starch (optional), maple syrup, and spices

-Put in the air fryer for 20 mins, flipping halfway through

-Schmear the tofu whipped feta in a thick circle on your serving plate

-When the fries are done, lay carrots on top of whipped tofu feta, drizzle with honey or agave, and top with pistachios and pomegranates.

Macro calculations will be super rough because the serving of how many carrots you take and how much of the tofu whipped feta you take with the carrots and many pistachios/pomegranate seeds on top of that will vary EXTREMELY so I’m not gonna put them LMAO it wouldn’t be accurate at all.

TikTok vid that gave me inspo/easy to follow along:

https://www.tiktok.com/@nikkivegan/video/7304317541340482858?_r=1&_t=ZT-91mp1pjATNd

Fall Harvest Salad:

Ingredients:

-Kale&Romaine Base (eyeballed the amount that I added)

-Half of a Large Sweet Potato

-Half of a Granny Smith Apple

-Whole Bag of Vegan Maple Bacon Jerky

-Whole Can of Chickpeas

-1/3 cup honey roasted or regular pistachios

-1/3 cup chopped pecans

-8 Brussel Sprouts

-Hot Honey Dijon Sauce

-Kitehill Unsweetened Greek Yogurt

-2 Tablespoons of Apple Cider Vinegar

-Paprika, Chili Powder, Garlic, Salt, Pepper, Nutrional Yeast, Rosemary, and Thyme to taste

Recipe:

-Literally I just chopped up what needed to be chopped and threw everything in a bowl

-You can definitely air fry the sweet potatoes and the chickpeas in the air fryer, but I just threw the sweet potato in my microwave for five minutes wrapped in a wet paper towel. As long as it’s quick and tastes good, idc

-For the sauce, I just mixed together the Hot Honey Dijon Sauce, Kitehill Greek Yogurt, Apple Cider Vinegar, and all of the spices

The macros are also going to vary extremely on this one as the amount you serve yourself and the amount of each ingredient within that serving is going to be different from person to person, so I also think it would be unhelpful to include macros because they would be inaccurate!

Protein Banana Bread:

Horrible pic so sorry the camera did NOT eat first, this is before it went in the oven bye:

Ingredients:

-1 Cup Bob’s Red Mill Oat Flour

-2 Scoops of Truvani Plant-Based Vanilla Protein Powder (the banana cinnamon flavor would be so much better)

-Teaspoon Baking Powder

-1 Tablespoon of Lakanto Monkfruit Brown Sugar (and a little extra to top off the banana bread with)

-Lakanto Sugar-Free Chocolate Chips (plus a few tablespoons to top the banana bread off with)

-1/4 cup chopped pecans (plus a little extra to top the banana bread off with)

-1/4 cup chopped walnuts (plus a little extra to top the banana bread off with)

-Pumpkin Spice Powder+Cinnamon+Salt To Taste

-4 large bananas

-1/3 Cup Lakanto Monkfruit Maple Syrup

-1/3 Cup West Life Soy Milk

Recipe:

-Preheat oven to convection bake at 400 degrees

-Mix all of the dry ingredients in a bowl (oat flour, protein powder, baking powder, brown sugar, spices)

-Mix all of the wet ingredients in a separate bowl (bananas, maple syrup, soy milk)

-Slowly add the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients. Once thoroughly mixed and it reaches a thick, paste-like consistency, add in your choc chips and nuts!

-Spray banana bread tin with avocado oil and evenly spread your banana bread batter into the tin. Must lick the bowl and the spoon after.

-Leave in the oven for 35-40 mins, and keep checking it periodically because I’ve that shit toooo many times. Like it’s good burnt but if ur serving it to other people u dont want it burnt LMAO.

-Take out of the oven and let it cool for like 15-20 mins!

-Top with vanilla greek yogurt or pb2 powder for added protein, and maple a drizzle of extra maple syrup!

Macros:

These are a little rough depending on how many choc chips and nuts you top the banana bread with, but:

Macros Per 8 Slices:

-Calories: 224

-Protein: 9.2g

-Carbs: 36.1G

-Fat: 7.3g

Vegan/gluten free or not, I hope you try some of these recipes! Trustttt they’re so good I swear. Send me pics if you make any of these recipes or share any vegan/gluten free recipes in the comments I loveeee trying new dishes!

I'll be honest: I’m terrified going into Thanksgiving this year, and I know so many of us feel the same. In a way, it feels like my first “big test” since developing an eating disorder- even though, looking back, I can see I was struggling in past years too with the same disordered behavior. The only difference now is that I have a diagnosis, people know about it, and my relationship with food and exercise are the worst they’ve ever been.  

Thanksgiving is already overwhelming for a multitude of reasons- the clashing political views, the family members who don’t speak anymore, the pressure to make small talk and repeat the same conversations about college and future plans when it’s the last thing I want to think about. But out of everything, nothing scares me more than the food. I brace myself for comments about my body- that I need to gain weight and “eat a burger,” why I did or didn’t take seconds, why I did or didn’t eat this or that food. I catch myself looking around at other people’s plates and comparing them to mine. I question whether I’m eating because I’m actually hungry or because everyone around me is, or I don’t want to eat because I feel watched, wondering if people are noticing how much or how little I’m eating. What if I can’t control myself around the food? I’ve spent the last few days with my nose buried in the MyFitnessPal app, pre-calculating everything I’m planning to make for myself, trying to leave “caloric room” in case there’s an appetizer, side dish, or main someone brings that I really want to try but didn’t plan for. But there’s no way for me to know the exact macros, and I’m not about to ask someone for the precise measurements in their recipe. I even got a notification today saying I’m in MyFitnessPal’s top 30% of users- a quietly unsettling reminder of just how much time I’ve been spending in that app. 

What if I want my cousin’s bean dip? What if I want my dad’s guacamole — one of my favorite things he makes every year? What if I want my daddiji’s masala potatoes, but I’ve already accounted for a carb in my meal? Why can’t I just be disciplined and stick to what I know? And at the same time… why can’t I let myself enjoy the foods I actually want?

Here’s what I know I want from the day: I want to participate and genuinely feel part of everything. I want the food I’m eating to feel safe. I want to feel comfortable in my body. I want to be present in conversations and shift the focus away from the food itself. I want to enjoy the dishes I actually want without guilt, while still staying aligned with what supports me — prioritizing protein, choosing portions that feel right for my body, and avoiding both overeating and undereating. And even though my hunger cues are all over the place right now, I want to do my best to listen to what my body needs.

Taking into consideration both my fears and what I know I want from the day, I sat down with my dietician and talked through all of it. Together, we came up with a few strategies and reminders to ease some of the anxiety heading into Thanksgiving — and I’m sharing it here in hopes that it brings you comfort, reassurance, or even just the reminder that you’re not alone.

I really recommend getting honest with yourself about your fears and your goals for the day; having them named and written out makes them feel so much more manageable. And if you can, talking with a professional about those fears and hopes can be incredibly grounding.

I’m also including a few insights from the holistic health IIN course I’m taking right now, which has genuinely changed the way I think about nourishment — especially on days like this.

If you share any of these same worries, or want the day to feel a little more grounded and a little less stressful, I hope this post can genuinely support you.

1. Nourishment Is Bio-Individual: One of the main points that IIN stresses, and that my dietician has emphasized to me, is that what one person needs nutritionally is going to be different for the next person. I was contemplating eating a regular lunch, like a high protein yogurt bowl, instead of Thanksgiving appetizers because, honestly, it felt safer. I could track it, and in my head it was more "nutrient efficient.” However, what’s healthiest for my body (and mind) right now is fats and carbs, so having chips with bean dip and guacamole over a low fat, low carb, low calorie, high protein yogurt bowl would actually do more harm than good. Not to mention, one of my goals for the day is to feel included in the festivities and not have unwanted attention drawn to me, which would most likely be the case if everyone was eating appetizers and I whipped out a yogurt bowl. It’s also a great way to put food freedom and all of the progress I’ve been making into practice. Thus, in every way, eating the untracked appetizers is healthier and the right kind of nourishment for what my mind, body, and spirit need. Don’t forget about the spirit! My dad’s guacamole is so nostalgic for me. I grew up practically living off of it, he made it for every family holiday, and I’ve spent my life trying to recreate it exactly as he does, but no matter what I do I can’t get it exactly right. It’s just too special, and therefore so soul nourishing and makes my inner child so happy. Say it with me: we are not scared of healthy fats! Our brains are made up of 60% fat, which means fats are essential for brain and overall bodily function. They are not only important, but vital to include in our diets.

2. Nourishment Doesn’t Just Mean Food: One of the main teachings of IIN is the awareness of Primary VS. Secondary foods. Primary food is nourishment that isn’t actual food. It’s the parts of life that feed your mind, body, and soul off the plate, such as relationships, spirituality, career, education, health, finances, physical activity, home cooking, social life, joy, creativity, home environment, and health (this is a part of the IIN “Circle of Life” tool). With this in mind, let’s reframe the real nourishment on Thanksgiving: the conversations we’re having and being with the people we love. Of course, food, (secondary), is a huge part of Thanksgiving for a multitude of reasons, like shit it just tastes damn good and that’s fucking exciting. But if we take a step back and think about the purpose of the holiday, what makes Thanksgiving what it is is the conversations leading up to the dinner, the conversations at dinner, it’s the conversations we’re having while we’re eating the food, the fun family activities, the jokes told, the laughs had, the memories made and the old ones rehashed, not the food itself. 

3. Being Present: One of my main goals on Thanksgiving is to remain present and take the spotlight off of food noise and disordered eating thoughts as much as I can, (although I know it’s unavoidable, I’m not trying to be unrealistic). Some tips my dietician and I discussed was to strike up a conversation with someone while actually grabbing and serving yourself food so that you literally don’t have the brain space to calculate or guesstimate the macros you’re consuming. In terms of sitting down for the official Thanksgiving meal, ask a lot of questions towards the people around you. Engaging in conversation and asking a lot of questions naturally takes the focus off of the food. I often struggle on holidays with feeling like I need to eat as fast as I can and as much as I can because I never typically allow myself to have those kinds of foods and I feel like I’ll never be able to have them again. Having conversations in between bites allows me to slow down my pace of eating, and, not to mention, will actually allow me to fully taste and enjoy the food I’m eating, rather than scarfing it all down and not even being able to savor all of the fun flavors. Also, having more conversations with more people than you usually would naturally deepens your relationships and connections with those you love, thus fulfilling the nourishment of your relationship and social life primary foods which will ripple out to the rest of the primary food categories like joy. Even taking sips of water in between bites will slow you down and help you be more in the moment.

4. Your First Plate Matters: To further rid your mind, body, and spirit of the fight or flight mentality of needing to eat as much food as possible and as quickly as possible, when you make your first plate of food for your Thanksgiving dinner, serve yourself portions that you know you will for sure finish. This way you can try everything, savor a little bit of all of the flavors, and see what you liked most and didn’t quite like so much. After a few minutes, ask yourself not only if you’re hungry enough for more, but if you simply want more. Something I’m working on right now is that sometimes, food is meant to be desired, and you’re allowed to fulfill that desire. Yes, food is fuel and energy for our bodies, but it’s also so many more things, like TASTY AND DELICIOUS. You’re allowed to want more of those flavors in your mouth. And, if you’re genuinely still hungry, obviously grab your ass another plate.

5. Don’t Go Into Thanksgiving Dinner Starving: I know the typical routine on Thanksgiving is to not eat all day to “save your calories” for the big meal, but I find that whenever I do this I end up binging and over-indulging and feel like more shit than I would’ve if I had just eaten proper meals and appetizers leading up to the big meal. The food tastes the same no matter how much you eat of it, and eating the portions that feel right for you is going to be a way more enjoyable and comfortable experience for you. Personally, something I’m actively working on is not being scared to not go into a meal starving. I have a hard time believing that I deserve to eat if I’m not starving going into every meal that I eat. So I know that there’s going to be some mental, and because the mental is so tied to the physical, I will probably;y feel some sort of physical discomfort as well, and this is something I need to accept and prepare myself for. But I’m strong, and I know I’ll be okay.

6. Mantras: Speaking of saying things like “I’m strong,” mantras I can repeat to myself in my head are extremely grounding, no matter how cheesy they may sound. My go-to is “I am safe.” It sounds overly-simple and obvious, but it kind of makes me laugh and reminds me of the reality of the situation, like quite literally nothing is wrong and nothing is going to happen to me. The police aren’t chasing me. A monster isn’t going to kill me. I’m not going to die. I’m not going to get seriously injured. I have a roof over my head, food on my table, family who love me, clothes on my back, I have heating and air conditioning, I can breathe properly, I have water, I have everything I could ever need and then some. I’m okay. You’re okay. You’re safe.

7. Having An Anchor Person: Whenever you start to feel anxious — or if a family member says something about your weight or food choices that makes you uncomfortable — having an “anchor person” can make an enormous difference. This is someone who understands what you’re going through and can be your go-to presence in the moment. Simply standing or sitting beside them, and letting them know you’re feeling overwhelmed, can help calm your body and ease your stress. When someone you trust is aware of what’s happening inside you, and you allow yourself to lean on them (literally or figuratively), it creates an immediate sense of safety. You can even come up with a discreet code word so you can signal to them without drawing attention from others. Together, you can plan ahead for how they can support you when anxiety hits. For example, my anchor person is my mom, and we have a code word. When I say it, she knows to quietly take me upstairs so I can get some space. In those moments, I can’t always think clearly or articulate what I need, so having someone guide me to a calmer environment is essential.

8. Compensatory Exercise: My first instinct leading up to Thanksgiving is always to overdo it at the gym- way more cardio than usual, lifting heavier than is safe, anything to “make up for” the rich, untracked holiday meal ahead. It feels like a safety net: If I burn enough calories now, maybe it won’t matter what I eat later. Or, If my body reacts to foods I usually avoid, at least all the extra cardio cancels it out. I’ve been there more times than I can count. This year, I did at least thirty to forty-five minutes of StairMaster after each lift every day before Thanksgiving, even though I haven’t been doing it consistently at all for the last two months. And right now, I’m debating between doing an hour on the StairMaster plus core, or hitting a heavy quad day and following it with a long walk. My brain jumps back and forth between: “If I train legs, I’ll ‘earn’ more food and the calories will go to my muscles” and “If I do an hour on StairMaster, I’ll burn more and cancel out what I eat today.” I literally woke up this morning thinking about it, (Just a reminder that no matter what advice I share, I’m still deeply in the process of unlearning these patterns and healing from these thoughts.) Here’s what my dietitian reminded me, and it’s backed by science: This is one day out of 365. Physiologically, your body cannot meaningfully change from a single day of eating.

Research shows:

• Sustained changes in body composition require consistent patterns over weeks to months, not one meal or one holiday.

• One day of increased caloric intake does not create long-term fat gain, because the body adjusts through mechanisms like increased thermogenesis (your body naturally burns more energy digesting larger meals).

• Overexercising to “compensate” can actually backfire- spiking cortisol, disrupting hunger cues, increasing inflammation, and making anxiety around food worse.

• Moderate, consistent exercise supports metabolic health, but large spikes in intensity (like suddenly doing hours of cardio after months off) can stress your cardiovascular and musculoskeletal systems and raise injury risk.

In other words, nothing catastrophic, or even noticeable, can happen to your body from enjoying one holiday meal. What can cause harm is the stress, guilt, and physical strain of trying to “earn” or “cancel out” food. Your body is resilient. It thrives on patterns, not one-offs. And the science fully supports giving yourself permission to simply be present, eat, enjoy, and let tomorrow be a normal day.

9. Understanding the Binge–Restrict Cycle (It’s Biology, Not Willpower): One of the biggest reasons people binge on holidays? Restriction, even mental restriction, activates survival instincts. When your brain senses scarcity, it increases dopamine around food. You’re not “undisciplined.” You’re responding to biology. Letting yourself eat consistent meals before the big dinner is not indulgence — it’s evidence-based prevention.

10. Boundaries With Family (Protect Your Peace): You are allowed to set boundaries around food and body comments. Simple scripted responses help:

• “I’m focusing on listening to my body today.”

• “Let’s not talk about my plate.”

• “I’m just enjoying myself, thank you.”

• ”What an odd thing to say,” very much shuts someone down and makes them uncomfortable, and as they should be! 

• Or just a strategic subject change.

You can also enlist your anchor person to redirect conversations for you which is incredibly helpful for minimizing triggers.

11. The Day After: Do Not “Compensate” the Next Day. The instinct to “fix” the day before by restricting, cutting out carbs, skipping meals, or doing extra cardio is the exact behavior that keeps the binge–restrict cycle alive. Science is extremely clear on this: restricting after a larger meal increases cravings, anxiety, and the likelihood of bingeing later in the week. Your metabolism does not need compensation — it needs consistency.  Start your day with a normal breakfast. Eat regularly. Drink water. Move gently. The fastest way to feel like yourself again is to return to your normal routine as quickly and compassionately as possible. Expect the “Food Noise Hangover.” The day after a big, triggering holiday, your brain can feel loud — guilt, shame, mental math, intrusive thoughts, body checking, second-guessing what you ate, etc. These thoughts don’t mean you did anything wrong; they mean your nervous system is recalibrating. It is normal, and it will pass. Your physical body is fine. Your mind just needs gentleness. Hydrate + Walk (Not as Punishment). A gentle walk helps your digestive system, reduces bloating, and regulates your nervous system — not because you “burn calories,” but because it literally lowers cortisol and supports digestion. Hydration also counteracts inflammation, salt intake, and blood sugar fluctuations. Wear Something Comfortable. You’re not supposed to “shrink back” into yourself the next day. The body is naturally a little saltier, puffier, or fuller after a big meal — this is standard human physiology. Not weight gain. Not failure. Not proof of anything. Wearing soft, comfortable clothes prevents body checking, dysmorphia spiraling, shame-driven thoughts, and restriction urges. Your comfort is a form of regulation. Unfollow or Mute Triggering Social Content. The weekend after Thanksgiving is full of detox culture, “morning after” gym posts, “punish yourself” fitness tips, and influencers bragging about how “clean” they ate. If it spikes anxiety in your chest, mute it. Unfollow it. Protect your peace. Your algorithm does not deserve access to your healing. Plan Something Restorative. Plan something peaceful, restorative, and self-care-ish for the night before Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving night, and the day after. I literally went out and bought a bunch of face masks, eye masks, comfy PJs, holiday candles, room spray, festive mugs — anything that will help regulate my nervous system or take my mind off stressful, disordered thoughts. Knowing I have something to look forward to at the end of a hard, emotional event makes getting through the event a little easier. There’s a comfort in knowing a reward is waiting for me on the other side. Reflect on What Actually Went Well: Take a few minutes to reframe and reflect. Ask yourself: What surprised me? What did I handle better than expected? When did I feel proud of myself? When did I listen to my body? What did I enjoy? What worked that I can reuse next time? This shifts your brain from fear mode into growth mode. Lastly, Practice Body Neutrality. We all hear “love yourself,” “love your body,” “tell yourself you’re beautiful,” and “be body positive,” but that’s just not realistic for everyone, especially in recovery. You don’t have to love your body today. You just have to not punish it. Neutrality is enough. Try telling yourself: “I am supporting my body today, not correcting it.” There Is No “Damage” to Undo. It’s physiology. One day cannot change your body composition. Water weight, sodium, fullness, and bloat are temporary. Your body is doing exactly what it’s supposed to do after a big meal: digest, regulate, return to baseline. Trust that your body knows what to do.

You are allowed to enjoy the holiday. You are allowed to eat food that tastes good, to laugh, to be held by the people you love, and to take up space without apologizing for it. There will be moments that feel light and easy, and moments that feel impossibly heavy, and you might move between the two more than once. But you will get through it. You’ve gotten through every hard moment before this one. And if even one of these strategies, reminders, or facts softens the edges of the day for you, I hope you let it in. You deserve a holiday that feels calm, safe, and like it finally belongs to you again. My DMs are always open. 

If you’d like to follow me on this journey, or can relate in any way, I’d really appreciate it if you would subscribe, or follow me on my socials! I’m dedicated to posting content across all platforms that will help other women on their hormone, mental, physical, and spiritual journeys, and share science/medical-backed information as I continue to educate myself further from professionals on these topics. I just enrolled in the IIN Health Coach Training Program, and I’m so excited to embark on and document this new journey! 

Socials:

Instagram: mkhosla111

TikTok: mkhosla111

Youtube: mayakhosla 

I’m not at the point yet where I can confidently say, “I’ve taken what works and left the rest,” because honestly, I’m still figuring out what actually does work for me. But I’ve put together a list of practices I’ve tried more than once — things I’ve stuck with for a few days at a time, or routines that, more often than not, made my mind, body, and spirit feel just a little bit better.

I’ll keep you all updated as this routine evolves and, hopefully, becomes something solid and sustainable. I genuinely can’t wait for the day when it feels natural and aligned and I’m fully in tune with what I need. But I also want to emphasize that these things are deeply individual, so please don’t take any of this as a prescription or the “right” way to heal.

Okay. Let’s get into it.

1. Waking Up and Going to Sleep At the Same Time, Regulating My Circadian Rhythm: Committing to the same sleep and wake times every day has quietly transformed my life. It’s like teaching my body that it can finally trust me. Instead of dragging myself out of bed at random hours, I’m working with my internal clock, not against it. There’s a rhythm now—my body knows when to wind down, and when it’s time to rise. My energy feels more stable, my mood feels more grounded, and everything else flows easier when that foundation is solid. Yes, it means I miss late-night texts, random plans, or that “normal girl in her twenties” lifestyle. Most people my age are still out at midnight making spontaneous dinner plans, and sometimes I do get FOMO, but honestly, the feeling of waking up rested, early, and clear has become so satisfying that it outweighs everything. Early nights genuinely work for me, and I don’t question it anymore.

2. Nature Walks: Going outside—usually with a podcast, sometimes in silence—reminds me that I’m not just a brain bouncing between deadlines. I’m a human being with senses and a nervous system that needs gentle discipline. Nature walks regulate me in ways I can’t recreate indoors. I catch myself smiling at the smallest things: a squirrel running across the path, the way trees sway like they’re breathing, sunlight warming my face, two strangers holding hands. It’s perspective, but it’s also joy in its simplest form.

3. Lower Impact Movement: I still love lifting, but I’m learning not to treat my body like a machine that needs to be pushed every day. Low-impact movement—walking, yoga, hot Pilates—has become my reset button. It keeps me active without dumping more stress into my system. It counts. It matters. It’s enough. And honestly, taking classes (even though they’re pricey) has taken so much mental load off. On days when I’m sore, low-energy, or just not in the headspace to plan a full workout, moving in a guided, communal environment feels like relief instead of obligation.

4. Listening to My Body’s Cravings: Instead of forcing myself into rigid food rules, I’m practicing trust. When my body wants something, I pause and ask why—is it wanting warmth, protein, comfort, hydration, grounding? Listening doesn’t mean eating junk or inflaming my body. My system doesn’t even crave those foods anymore. It’s more about small shifts: planning a tofu salad but realizing I want something warm like a curry, so I make the curry. Planning eggs after the gym but suddenly wanting a yogurt bowl instead, so I honor that. These tiny decisions feel huge because they represent breaking away from tracking apps and rigid food rules. (For the record: I don’t recommend tracking apps unless a medical professional or you’re a bodybuilder).

5. Being of Service: One of the most grounding parts of my week is volunteering as a barista at the Tibetan Buddhist yoga and meditation studio I go to. The space itself feels like a breath- incense in the air, soft voices, people arriving with whatever heaviness or hope they’re carrying. Pouring coffee, wiping the counter, offering someone a warm smile. It’s simple, but it’s service. It pulls me out of my own stress and reconnects me with community, compassion, and presence. It’s not about productivity or performance; it’s about showing up with intention. I love the idea that the coffee I’m making might be the best part of someone’s day, so I bless each cup before handing it over. It’s become a tiny ritual of love, and in a way, a ritual of self-return.

6. Showering In The Morning and At Night: Showering twice a day has become my ritual bookend. In the morning, it washes off the gym and signals that the day is beginning fresh. At night, it’s like rinsing the day off my skin, literally and energetically, so my mind can unclench. There’s also something about getting into bed clean that feels like self-respect. I sleep better, I wake up feeling better, and the routine itself feels like a practice in grounding.

7. Napping/Resting When I Need To: Rest is something I’m still actively unlearning and relearning. I used to fall into toxic productivity thinking—why would I need rest if I’m not even in school right now? But my body doesn’t care about productivity logic; sometimes my energy is so low that rest isn’t optional. Now, when I feel myself fading, I honor it. Ten minutes lying down can save my whole day. A nap can rescue my nervous system. My body speaks, and I’m finally learning to listen.

8. Productive Hobbies That Don’t Have To Do With Doomscrolling (Unless It’s Substack or Pinterest LMAO): I’m slowly trading mindless scrolling for hobbies that actually feed me. They don’t have to be deeply intellectual or perfectly offline… Substack and Pinterest absolutely count. The difference is intention: inspiration in, creativity out. Not the endless drain of TikTok or Instagram rabbit holes. I know this season of my life is supposed to be about rest, slowing down, and preventing burnout, and it is. But I’m also realizing that staying engaged in things I’m passionate about is its own kind of rest. It keeps my mind from spiraling, gives my nervous system something grounding to hold onto, and reminds me that I’m a person with interests, not just symptoms. Being “busy” with things that genuinely light me up isn’t the same as burning myself out; it’s actually helping me feel more regulated, more purposeful, and more alive. I’m still figuring out which physical hobbies I genuinely enjoy instead of feeling forced into, and honestly, most still feel forced, but that’s part of the exploration. Finding what feels nourishing instead of numbing.

9. A Consistent Morning and Night Routine: Tea before bed, morning pages, the handful of rituals I’ve built—these have become a form of self-parenting. My routines aren’t aesthetic every day, but they’re consistent enough that my nervous system recognizes them as safety cues. They anchor me.

10. A Clean Space/The Two Minute Clean: A clean space doesn’t mean deep-cleaning every day. It’s about micro-actions—the two-minute rule. If something takes less than two minutes, I just do it: wipe the counter, fold the blanket, put one dish away. These tiny habits keep my space from becoming overwhelming. And it’s true: when my space is cluttered, my mind is cluttered. Chaos in my room becomes chaos in my head: racing thoughts, low productivity, overstimulation. A tidier space genuinely supports a calmer mind.

11. Stupid Self-Care Things I Waste My Money On: SHUTUP IDCCCC like yes for some reason doing an everything shower and putting on eye masks that do absolutely nothing for my under eyes while I sip coffee from my thirty million dollar Anthropologie Icon Juice Glass and lighting my over-priced spiced cider scented candle and dousing myself in a sexy, musky perfume and lotionizing my body with a delicious holiday smell and putting on a cute pj set or fully getting ready in jeans and a high quality oversized sweatshirt and my hoop earrings and a slick back MAKES ME FEEL SO GOOD. I don’t know what the science is, but I’m genuinely more inclined to get my work done, and I just feel so much better about myself. I’m more confident, I feel clean and fresh and ready to take on the work day, and enter a literal FLOW STATE.

I wouldn’t consider any of these habits a routine, perfected in any way, or even permanent. Health journeys are extremely bio-individual and our needs change through different stages of our life, so these are just some practices that for now, seem to at least be helping and not hurting. I hope this gave you a few ideas to try if you’re on a similar journey, but if none of them work for you I hope this inspired you to keep trying and testing out different ways of regulating your nervous system, because it’s so SO important. The goal is to eventually have a more solidified nervous system reset/regulation routine, and once I do I’ll definitely share!

If you’d like to follow me on this journey, or can relate in any way, I’d really appreciate it if you would subscribe, or follow me on my socials! I’m dedicated to posting content across all platforms that will help other women on their hormone, mental, physical, and spiritual journeys, and share science/medical-backed information as I continue to educate myself further from professionals on these topics. I just enrolled in the IIN Health Coach Training Program, and I’m so excited to embark on and document this new journey! 

Socials:

Instagram: mkhosla111

TikTok: mkhosla111

Youtube: mayakhosla 

How do you heal when the only version of safety you know is the thing that’s killing you?

Unfortunately this won’t be a guide or tips or a list of steps to fix this mental anguish- I’m still deep in the throes of whatever this is. My only intention is to give language to the chaos for the women who are also here- the ones who started a “healing journey” only to realize that sometimes the healing becomes its own kind of sickness. 

I lost my period over two years ago, but it wasn’t until this past February that I started developing debilitating symptoms that I could only describe at the time as extreme burnout. I was tremendously lethargic, depressed, and anxious. I couldn’t get out of bed, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t walk long distances, I couldn’t hold basic conversations, I couldn’t sleep, I would go weeks without any bowel movements, I was constantly peeing myself because I had lost all sense of urgency cues, I had horrible UTI symptoms without the actual UTI, I experienced severe night sweats, the list goes on and on. Essentially, I couldn’t function as a human being. Somehow, though, I still managed to get my ass in the gym for my usual three hour sessions. 4:00am wake up, fasted cardio, lift, abs, more cardio. I would get extremely faint, but I would push through, convincing myself that this is the one thing that made me feel better when nothing else could, the one thing keeping me sane- but it was destroying me. But I loved it. I still do. 

The symptoms became so debilitating that I had to start wearing a glucose monitor- I had developed chronically low blood sugar, and would often pass out or get extremely faint. Eventually, I was forced by my parents and my doctor to take a gap semester at NYU- the first semester of my senior year. What was supposed to be my “last first day of school,” my childhood dreams of graduating from NYU with the rest of my friends, were crushed. My parents surrounded me with a team of nine different doctors to figure out what the fuck was going on with me- doctors appointments after doctors appointments, so much poking and prodding, so much blood drawn. 

Fast forward to now, only a few months but lots of bloodwork later, the results came back. I had selfishly hoped there was something physically wrong with me, something out of my control, like a thyroid or pituitary gland issue- but it was all self inflicted. I’ll never forget the day that my parents called me, “The good news is, there’s nothing physically wrong with you. The bad news is, the endocrinologist said you’re clinically malnourished.” I had done this to myself. The gap semester, all the money my parents spent on doctors and treatment plans, the self-isolation, missing out on memories, on graduating with my friends- it was all my fault. I could’ve stopped it. I just didn’t want to believe it, or do anything about it, until someone definitively told me that I was starving myself and overrexercising. Even now, knowing that I’m malnourished and all of its short-term and long-term side effects- I don’t want to stop. I need this routine. I need this constant momentum. I need this sense of accomplishment, of reward. Don’t stop moving so you can stop thinking. 

So where does this leave me? The truth is, some days I’m in the mood to fix it, some days I’m not. Some days, like today, I sit at a coffee shop and get a pastry for breakfast to challenge myself knowing the mental anguish I’ll have the whole time I’m eating it and for the rest of the day after. Some days I rigorously track all of my food- spending hours in MyFitnessPal moving things around, trying to get all of the macros perfect. That’s the thing- it isn’t always about not eating or skipping meals. It’s eating exactly what I logged, and punching my fist through a wall when I’m missing an ingredient. Or making a new “low calorie, no sugar, high protein sweet treat” only to take a bite into it and discover that whatever I had just made was absolutely disgusting, but since I already ate some of it and tracked it, it only made sense to make myself finish the whole thing- right? So I sit there in front of my mom as she watches me cry and stuff my face with this inedible concoction I had just thrown together until every crumb is licked clean from the plate. It just depends. It’s funny, really- I’m trying to be free from tracking while still tracking, trying to heal while obeying the rules that broke me in the first place.

Starting to work with a dietician has been the biggest help, and simultaneously- the biggest challenge. She has single-handedly debunked so much of the harmful information I’ve consumed through social media and has made me become comfortable with testing my limits with fear foods, and I’ve actually started eating out with friends and enjoying it (not that there isn’t extreme stress and preparation involved). But now we’re upping my calories and decreasing my cardio- significantly. Not being able to control exactly what and how much goes into my body, as first-world as this sounds, is my biggest fear. Not to mention, I’m not in tuned with my body at all- I don’t have hunger cues and often have to guess when I may be hungry or when my body may need to eat which results in so much discomfort. At this point I don’t even know if this discomfort in my stomach is hunger, fullness, anxiety, or just my metabolism screaming from years of being treated like a broken machine I keep trying to outsmart. I keep trying to eat the same safe things every day because consistency makes me feel in control, but then I get bored and miserable because I actually love food. I really love cooking, inventing recipes, plating things creatively, but the second I follow food freedom instead of macros, I feel like I’ve already failed. My dietician tells me to stop tracking. MyFitnessPal streak tells me I’ll lose all my progress if I do. I’m supposed to increase my calories, but I can never actually hit the number. I always undershoot, (truthfully, I do this on purpose because I’m genuinely terrified of hitting a higher caloric number), or I panic overshoot, and then spend the rest of the night obsessing about fixing it tomorrow. There is no version of the day where I win.

And now I’m on this medication that’s supposed to help me raise my estrogen and get my period back, except the medication is killing my appetite. I’m trying to eat more while wanting to eat less, and I already don’t know what hunger feels like anymore, and I genuinely don’t know how to listen to cues I haven’t heard in years. Every time I think I’m doing the right thing for my body, I break something else. This is the part no one really talks about, how healing is somehow just as obsessive as the disorder. I keep trying to fix everything at the same time: my hormones, my relationship with food, my metabolism, my nervous system, my identity, my relationships- and every time I focus on one, I end up sabotaging the others. Eat more but not too much. Rest but not too long. Track to feel safe but stop tracking to recover. Be disciplined but also free. 

How do you heal when every solution looks like a trap from a different angle? How do you heal when the rules you’re trying to escape are the only thing that still makes you feel in control?

I don’t know how to exit this performance yet, but I’m starting to realize that maybe I’m asking the wrong question. Instead of asking myself if I’ve had the “perfect” day, instead of believing that somewhere there’s a version where I do everything right and that my body will congratulate me, that my brain will quiet, I need to ask myself if “getting it right” is even a reality. Because I know it’s not just me or some isolated personal failure- this is an entire generation of women who were handed wellness like a religion and anxiety like a side effect. We were told to optimize everything from our nutrition, our steps, our cortisol, our aesthetics, our pleasure, our discipline, our femininity and then act like it’s effortless. We were told to “listen to our bodies” but also to “hit our macros” and “be disciplined.” We are haunted by contradicting commandments that somehow all sound like self-care.

I hate how moral it all feels. Like there is a correct answer, a correct day, a correct hunger level, a correct feminine softness or darkness, a correct ratio of asking too much from your body and worshipping it at the same time. Like if we just fine-tune enough inputs, the body will behave, the mind will calm, and we will finally become the fantasy version of ourselves that wellness culture keeps hinting is probably just thirty more clean days away.

So maybe the question isn’t “How do I finally get it right?” Maybe the actual question is scarier: What would my life look like if I stopped trying to earn it? If I didn’t optimize the day, or narrate it, or log it, or weaponize it- if I just let it be a day, instead of a test. Just let the day be the day without attaching an emotional connotation to it. But, if I’m being honest, I don’t even know if I want to know. Part of me actually wants to stay in this hole I’ve trapped myself in for so long, no matter how much it continues to deteriorate me from the inside out, no matter how much it ruins the relationships in my life, no matter how long it keeps me out of school, from pursuing my dreams, from even having dreams. 

I’m addicted to the game of breaking myself apart and piecing myself back together, only to tear it all down again once the healing becomes its own obsession. You could call me the MVP of self-destruction!

I don’t have the answer yet. I can’t offer any solutions or a step-by-step guide about how I’m trying to crawl out of this hole. But for the first time, I’m starting to think the winning move might be to stop playing a game my body was never supposed to compete in. And yours isn’t either. 

If you’d like to follow me on this journey, or can relate in any way, I’d really appreciate it if you would subscribe, or follow me on my socials! I’m thinking of posting every Saturday, and I’m dedicated to posting content across all platforms that will help other women on their hormone, mental, physical, and spiritual journeys, and share science/medical-backed information as I continue to educate myself further from professionals on these topics. I just enrolled in the IIN Health Coach Training Program, and I’m so excited to embark on and document this new journey! 

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I was transparent with those I was closest with from the start that the percentage of effort I could put into our relationship would be uneven, that for the time being, they would probably be giving seventy-percent while I could only offer thirty-percent. I’m learning, however, that even though being as transparent as I can be and letting people in is the healthiest strategy in maintaining the relationships I care about, it doesn’t always mean that this is enough for people to stay. This doesn’t mean that those individuals are wrong, or being mean and unfair, it actually means that they know themselves enough to walk away when the dynamic stops aligning with their needs, their energy, their mental health. However, respecting someone’s boundaries doesn’t make it any less difficult to lose them. Let’s not be afraid to call it what it is- a burden. I truly feel like I’m a burden. When a friend walks away during one of the most difficult seasons of my life, what else could I assume other than that I became too much to deal with, too heavy to hold? As I talk to more people and read Substack post after Substack post of women who are going through similar experiences during their healing journeys, it became abundantly clear that this feeling of being a burden is all too common. 

I’m not writing this so that we can all throw each other a collective pity party and keep ourselves in this cycle of self isolation in fear of losing those we love, I’m writing this to prove to myself, and hopefully prove to you, that just because you feel like a burden doesn’t mean you are one. I’m trying to untangle this belief within myself and inviting you to untangle it with me if you hold similar thoughts. I came to the realization that as long as I keep myself in this mindset of feeling like a walking inconvenience in every relationship I enter, the longer I stay in the cycle of self-isolation, of pushing those I love away, of pushing myself away. The truth is, I can’t afford that way of thinking anymore. Healing my physical health is impossible if I continue to neglect my mental health and let myself lean into thought patterns that are simply untrue. I want connection. I want to feel loved and give love. I want to laugh with my friends. I want to make memories. I want to have fun. I want spontaneity. I’ve convinced myself for these last few months that these things are unsafe and out of reach, but I need to rewire my mind to believe the opposite- that not only am I allowed to experience these aspects of life, but that I genuinely want to experience them in the first place. I’m so sick and tired of always being the one to cancel, avoid social interactions, (even enjoyable ones like getting coffee with a friend), and ignoring so many calls and texts that I start worrying the people that care about my well-being. I got so deep into this negative belief system that I genuinely convinced myself I didn’t want friendship, or adventure, or late nights. But I know that somewhere inside of me, I do. At one point, I loved all of these things. They were important to me, and I refuse to believe that those values just disappeared- and you should too. 

So this leaves us with the golden question: How do we actually rewire this way of thinking? While I will never promise to offer a definitive solution, as I am just in the beginning of this healing journey and figuring everything out for the first time, I will share some active steps I’ve been taking that have slowly been helping as well as vulnerable conversations I’ve had with the support system in my own life (my mom, love you mom if you’re reading this:)), about how they navigate loving, caring for, and maintaining a healthy relationship with me as well as with themselves.

If you have a loved one who leans on you for support during their healing journey, my mom’s biggest piece of advice was practicing forgiveness, creating boundaries, and learning to listen, “I’ve learned the importance of listening, to close my mouth and open my ears. It’s realizing that this is a learning process of forgiveness- forgiving you, forgiving myself, forgiving dad, and then being more empathetic towards each other. You’re human and you’re going to fuck up sometimes and you need to forgive yourself for that. We’re all going through this healing journey together and we all have to take turns carrying on the heaviest load. Also, putting up boundaries is extremely important. We as a family have learned to communicate with each other so well, like if you need time to gather your thoughts before having a conversation with me, you’ll say “I just need a half an hour and then I’ll be all ears.” Boundaries with friends and setting up time limits for deep discussions is helpful too, because you don’t want to be thinking about the situation all the time when it already consumes so much of your life. That’s why it’s also important to do things that have nothing to do with the situation. Me and your dad go on date nights, and we continue to do the things that make us happy day to day, like dad has golf and you have the gym, and if I want to stay in bed and watch horror movies all day I’m gonna do that. It’s easy to think ‘how can I have fun when my kid is miserable?’ But I have to be mentally well if I want to be able to help you, so I still need to continue to do the things that make me happy. My life can’t stop. Be patient with yourself and the people around you and don’t sink into a hole.” One of the many takeaways I received from this conversation with my mom was that healing isn’t something any of us do alone. It’s a shared, rotating effort, in which we hold space for one another, and a reminder that boundaries, empathy, and joy aren’t luxuries, but the keys to maintaining healthy relationships. Healing requires boundaries, compassion, forgiveness, and a life outside the struggle. No one can pour from an empty cup, and if we can acknowledge that truth with honesty, patience, and empathy, we can support each other without losing ourselves in the process.

Keeping her words close to my heart, I’ve been trying to build habits that reinforce those lessons and help me care for my mind and body in real, tangible ways:

1. Monitoring negative self talk: Catching the “I’m a burden” narrative before it spirals and reminding myself that thoughts aren’t facts. Naming the thought helps me stop treating it like truth.

2. Creating Boundaries: Learning when I need space to recharge and communicating that early—before I burn out or shut down completely.

3. Open communication: Sharing how I’m actually feeling instead of disappearing or silently struggling. Transparency reduces resentment on both sides.

4. Vocalizing Appreciation Often: Letting my support system know they’re valued. Care can feel heavy when it’s not acknowledged, so I make sure the people supporting me feel seen, not drained.

5. Building A Consistent Morning&Night Routine: Small habits like waking up at the same time, making tea at night, etc. prove to me that I can follow through on what I tell myself I’m going to do, even on low-energy days. This builds trust within myself and a sense of accomplishment, which is extremely important, especially on days when I can’t do more than walk to the bathroom and back to my bed. 

6. Choosing Low Intensity Activities: Walks, stretching, yoga, gentle movement. Things that reconnect me with my body and mind without overwhelming it. 

7. Initiating Plans (When I Have the Energy): Exhaustion is real, but when I do have capacity, I push myself to reach out first. It reminds me I’m capable of connection, not just receiving care.

8. Being Honest With Myself About My Limits: Not forcing high-energy social plans when I don’t have it. Letting myself show up in ways that feel sustainable.

9. Opting for Low-Pressure Hangouts: Movie nights, ordering in, cooking together, a slow walk—ways to be with people without draining myself.

10. The “One Hour” Rule: I tell myself I only need to stay for an hour. I can always leave. I’m never stuck. This takes the pressure off and makes showing up less intimidating.

11. Prioritizing Sleep: Protecting my rest because my brain and body cannot heal if I treat sleep like an optional accessory.

12. Active Relaxation: Journaling, face masks, painting my nails, reading Substack—rest that actually soothes my nervous system instead of numbing it.

13. Rebuilding Hobbies (Slowly): Instead of doom-scrolling, I’m carving out tiny pockets of creativity again- writing, cooking, taking photos. Starting small counts.

14. Showering Morning and Night: It sounds simple, but it anchors my day. A reset at the start and end helps regulate my mood. Again, a small win/sense of accomplishment/building trust within myself for following through on what I tell myself I’m going to do.

15. Limiting Media & Screen Time: Stepping away from content that overstimulates me or amplifies comparison. Creating mental quiet.

16. No Alcohol: Sobriety helps stabilize my mood, energy, and digestion—things I can’t afford to disrupt right now.

17. Writing Gratitude Lists: A daily reminder that not everything is falling apart. Even tiny joys matter.

18. Being of Service: Things like Three Jewels (a Tibetan Buddhist yoga/mediatation studio w/ a cafe in the front!) have taught me that supporting others—with boundaries—can reduce loneliness and reconnect me to purpose.

19. Centering Plans Around Food or a Fun Drink: When challenging fear foods or anxiety around eating out, it feels safer when I’m doing it with someone. A fun latte or a shared meal makes re-engagement feel doable.

Healing won’t always feel graceful, but if we keep choosing gentleness, toward ourselves and the people who stay, hopefully, we’ll find our way back to a life that feels like ours again.

If you’d like to follow me on this journey, or can relate in any way, I’d really appreciate it if you would subscribe, or follow me on my socials! I just posted a YouTube video here that accompanies this essay with a visual representation of what a day-in-the-life looks like as a “self-proclaimed burden.” It’s funny and sad, watch it if you want lol. I don’t have a defined schedule yet but I’m dedicated to posting on here consistently and posting content across all platforms that will help other women on their hormone, mental, physical, and spiritual journeys, and share science/medical-backed information as I continue to educate myself further from professionals on these topics.

Socials:

YouTube: Maya Khosla

Instagram: mkhosla111

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